A Chapter Called Resilience
My initial intention for this post was to write about a specific plant and its medicinal plant properties, but I felt the need to get a bit personal as I'm currently sitting in my local Starbucks, two days after Hurricane Milton impacted our area, seeking some semblance of normalcy. Thankfully, we sustained only minor damage to our home and are safe, but we've been without power for several days, which is quite a challenge with kids. We have a generator, but life had to throw us a curveball: we can’t power our refrigerator for more than ten minutes due to a glitch, forcing us to throw out food. With gas and propane in short supply, we’re limiting our usage and just trying to keep our frustration at bay.
I’m doing my best to maintain a mindset of gratitude for what we have, but right now, I feel mentally and emotionally exhausted. The past few years have been incredibly challenging, testing my resilience in ways I never imagined. This year alone, I experienced a layoff after ten years with a company, faced family health issues with my mom, navigated marriage dynamics, and now dealt with a hurricane that was said to be the worst storm Tampa has seen in over a century. My anxiety has reached new heights.
These experiences have led me to really navigate my identity and who I am now. Before moving to Tampa, I lived in Brooklyn, had a rewarding career with several top advertising communications agencies, was financially secure, and was living what some (including myself) would consider a successful NY life. I knew who I was and where I fit in the world, surrounded by family and friends and free from life-or-death weather situations - all was great until it wasn’t.
When Covid hit, I faced one of the most significant personal challenges of my life, which broke me down completely. Somehow, I came out of it, even though I did not know how I would. My family and I made the move to Tampa at the end of 2020, without my support system, to start over. During that time, I leaned into being a mother to my then 2-year-old daughter and started to carve my identity around that. I was fortunate to have a close family member around me but missed the NY version of myself and my community there. And truth be told, 4 years later, I still get pangs of that nostalgia. It’s funny how even looking at my wardrobe and distinguishing what clothes personified the NY version of myself and the confidence I felt in them, has been eye opening.
The interesting thing is, I’m feeling that this uncomfortable, exhausting chapter in my life is making way for something amazing – though what that is remains to be seen which adds to the discomfort. This new version of myself is starting to find community and has delved into learning things I never thought this Brooklyn girl would explore, discovering passions I love. I’m also exploring my entrepreneurial side, which has its own challenges after spending over 20 years in corporate.
I’m learning who this version of myself is, embracing fluidity and taking one step at a time each day. I no longer fixate on the distant future, and I’ve learned to be okay with that.
The universe continues to test me in profound ways and while I’m exhausted, I’ve found that resilience has become my armor. I’ve learned to embrace it, move through it scared and let it guide me through. Not an easy mentality to have, especially in my 40’s, but this journey has given me the opportunity to evolve and I can’t wait to see where it leads.
